I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
