Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
