She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
