I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
