there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
