I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
