Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
