So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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