so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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