He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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