I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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