So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
