dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
