You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
