if i can run in heels then i can drive
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
