My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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