just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
