apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
