hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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