Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize