Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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