Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
