Whoa Z and x make the same sound
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
