dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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