Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
