The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
