When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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