Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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