I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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