I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
