I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
