Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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