put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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