the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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