I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
