shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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