Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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