Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
