K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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