I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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