Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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