He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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