My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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