what day is it and did you see me today?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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