You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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