The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
