the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
