This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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