guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
