the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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