I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
