Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize