"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
