I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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