Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
