i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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