He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
