I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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