Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
