when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
