i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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