I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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