you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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